Bored in the Bedroom

Dear Sarah,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Our sex life lacks a little luster, to say the least. Same location, same routine, same position every time. I want to start spicing things up in the bedroom, but it feels really risky. Is there a safe way to approach this? Please help!

Yawning

Dear Yawning,
One of the predominant reasons people seek sex therapy is to get permission. Permission to like what they like, to do what they do, and to spice things up in the bedroom. We all fear being ridiculed, or worse yet, being perceived as abnormal or disgusting with regard to our sexual proclivities. Rather than springing new activities on your partner, talk to him first. Find out what turns him on, aside from the routine the two of you have established. Some easy and perhaps less threatening places to start might be changing positions, or initiating sex somewhere other than the bedroom. You can also consider adding some sort of visual stimulation by assessing what would be arousing for each of you to look at. (Lingerie, videos, or photos are some ideas that have worked for other couples.) One of the biggest turn-ons for most people is having a sexually confident partner, so make sure you are feeling your best. Suggest new activities and ideas that play on your strengths and areas of comfort, and let yourself have fun with it!