Hard-on Havoc

Dear Sarah,
My man and I have been together for 11 years. About 4 years ago we started going to swinger clubs and parties, and this has been a great asset to our sex life. I’ve noticed sometimes at these “lifestyle” functions my man seems to lose his erection, even when he is being touched or getting a blow job. He never has this problem at home! What’s up with that?

Perplexed


Dear Perplexed,
2 things: One predominant factor in a man’s difficulty in getting or maintaining a hard-on at a lifestyle function has to do with the amount of alcohol he has consumed. The more he drinks, the harder (no pun intended) it may be for him to get or keep an erection. The second factor may be performance anxiety. Men who are exclusively straight sometimes have a hard time getting it up in the presence of other men. Fear of being judged, perhaps? You should not interpret this to mean he isn’t turned on. He may be completely in the mood, just having some difficulty getting the little head aligned with the big one. What can he do to minimize the problem? Alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages to reduce overall consumption. Try not to “overthink” the situation; breathe deeply, relax, and enjoy the fact that you have found a mutually agreeable way to keep the spark in your relationship.