Free Press

Dear Sex Therapist,
I have a sexual problem I have never discussed with anyone.  I am married, and have always had "normal" sex with my wife.  I ride a train to work every day, and most days it is crowded.  Sometimes I press myself up against women that are standing next to me and I get really turned on.  Sometimes I think I could actually cum in my pants if they would stand there long enough.  Of course they have no idea I am doing this, at least I think they don't.  Afterward I feel really dirty and guilty, but I still do it anyway.  This has been happening since I was 16 and it happened at a concert.  Since then I have looked for the chance to be in a crowd.  Can I get in trouble for this?  Am I a freak?

Embarrassed in NYC

Dear Embarrassed,
What you are describing is called frotteurism, defined as "the intentional rubbing up against or touching of another, usually unsuspecting, person for the purpose of sexual arousal."  Because this is a non-consensual sexual act, it is considered a criminal offense and can result in legal penalties. 

Aside from the legal aspect, though, it is important to realize you are actually victimizing the women on the train because you are doing this without their consent, something this Sex Therapist always frowns upon.  Curtailing this behavior is an important and immediate step for you. 

The desire itself, however, will likely remain.  Is it possible you and your wife could incorporate this into some type of consensual sexual play?  For example, you could press yourself against her on the train or at a concert, and she could pretend to be unsuspecting.  If you are unable to stop the non-consensual behavior, please schedule an appointment with a therapist.  You owe this to yourself and to the women you are victimizing.

If you have a question for the Sex Therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com