To Share or Not To Share

Dear Sex Therapist,
My husband and I have been married almost 10 years.  Our sex life has had its ups and downs, but lately we have been very compatible.  Over the years he has asked me to do some things that made me uncomfortable.  Sometimes I say yes and sometimes I don't, but he always seems to respect my decisions.  For the past six months he has been asking me if I will have sex with another man while he watches.  This seems weird to me, but I am not completely opposed to it.  He says he doesn't have a specific person in mind, and he thinks we can find someone online.  He prefers it to be someone young and very fit.  (We are both in our late 30's and a few pounds overweight.)  A part of me thinks this would be really exciting, but another part of me is scared there will be repercussions.  What do you think?

Not Sure

Dear Not Sure,
Your husband's fantasy is a common one, though not all men admit this to their partners.  The fact you're talking about it speaks well for your communication with one another.  Trying something experimental can be a boost to the sex lives of many couples.  Allowing yourselves to think outside the box and try new things is perfectly okay, unless it presents a moral or physical compromise to either party; then the price is too high.  Additionally, bringing a 3rd party into the bedroom is sure to backfire if the two of you are not feeling 100%secure with one another.

If you decide to proceed, it's important for the two of you to agree on the terms, and to talk in advance about what's going to happen.  This includes selecting the other person, making provisions for safe sex, choosing a location where the encounter will occur, and setting boundaries about which sexual behaviors you're okay with.  I suggest you and your husband recap the session in private afterward before making a decision to schedule again with the 3rd party.  It's also important to agree this encounter not be used as an emotional weapon by either of you down the road (i.e. "I can't believe you did that"/"I can't believe you asked me to do that").  It's an experiment, it could go either way!