All Tied Up

Dear Sex Therapist,
I have a recurring fantasy I am kind of embarrassed about.  I want my girlfriend to tie me to the bed and give me a hand job.  I get turned on by the idea of being bound and unable to move while I am being sexually stimulated.  I have watched some porn that involves a dominatrix, and I am completely aroused by this.  I don't know if my girlfriend would be willing to participate, and I'm too shy to ask.  I should mention that I am the CEO of a large corporation, and I'm always in the position of being in charge.  Am I completely abnormal?

Boss Man

Dear Boss Man,
Your fantasies are completely normal.  It is common to fantasize about things and situations that are not part of our everyday lives.  If you are "always in the position of being in charge," it makes perfect sense you would be turned on by the idea of getting a break from this role. 

BDSM (Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism) is relatively common in sexual relationships.  These concepts are based on the idea that partners take on deliberately unequal but complementary roles in an eroticised context.  The Top or Dominant partner exhibits some form of physical and/or emotional control over the Bottom or Submissive partner. 

As for talking with your girlfriend, honesty is the best policy here. Do some reading, let her know what you're thinking, give her space to process the information, and see if she's open to exploring.

If you have a question for the sex therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com