Open to Questions?

Dear Sarah,
Please help settle an ongoing argument between my wife and me.  When we are making love, I sometimes ask her what she wants me to do to her sexually.  This infuriates her!  She tells me after all these years I shouldn't have to ask, and she says it ruins the mood when I do.  My point of view is, I genuinely want to please her.  If she tells me what feels good I know I'm getting it right.  Should I stop asking?

CW

Dear CW,
It's okay to ask.  It shows you are interested in making her feel good.  Direct and open communication is one of the best vehicles to creating and maintaining a satisfying sex life.  However, before you ask, make sure you are paying attention to her non-verbal cues.  Her breathing, muscle tautness, body movements, and moans will generally let you know whether you're on the right track.  If she doesn't normally provide you with any of these signals, try talking to her about her sexual desires when the two of you are outside the bedroom.

If you have a question for the sex therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com