Clean as a Whistle

Dear Sex Therapist,
Every time I have sex with my husband, I immediately get up and get into the shower when we're done.  He complains about this, saying he wants to lie in bed and savor the moment.  He is also self-conscious, wondering if he smells bad or makes me feel dirty.  Sarah, he has really good hygiene!  Something else you should know is we use condoms, so my need to shower isn't related to having semen inside me.  I'm not sure why I feel the need to do this, but it is almost overwhelming at times.  Even if we both shower right before we have sex I need to shower again right afterward.  This issue is causing a real problem in my relationship.  Can you help?

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Dear Clean,
You didn't mention your age, or whether you might have other compulsive behaviors that warrant attention.  Please schedule an appointment with a licensed therapist who can help you find and address the root cause of this behavior.  Meanwhile, I'm going to suggest you take a few minutes after sex to stay in the present moment and sit with the feeling of needing to get up and shower.  Try and become very curious with yourself, getting to know the part of you that wants to get away.  Your genuine curiosity may lead you to the answers about where the behavior is coming from.  Those few seconds where you stay present after sex may turn into minutes, which may provide both you and your husband with the things you need.

If you have a question for the sex therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com