No Drive in Denver

Dear Sex Therapist,

I have a problem I’m embarrassed to talk about.  I am a 32-year-old man and I seem to have lost interest in sex.  My sex drive has never been that high, even when I was a teenager.  I have only been with one person before my wife, and we broke up because she wanted more sex than I did.  Now, my wife and I are trying to have a baby and I feel pressured to perform, which makes things even worse.  If I do get turned on, my erection is not that strong, and I don’t last very long once we are able to get started.  The most awkward part is I have a lot of sex dreams, and lots of times I ejaculate in my sleep.  I thought this only happened during puberty and I would die if my wife found out.  What should I do?

Dreaming Dan

Dear Dreamer,

When is the last time you had a physical?  This is the first place to start, by checking to see if something is off-kilter physiologically.  If so, this is a readily fixable issue and you could be a changed man in no time.  I’m betting this might be the case since you report you’ve never had much of a sex drive.  If you rule out a medical issue, schedule an appointment with a sex therapist who can help you get to the bottom of this.  As for the sex dreams and nocturnal emissions, there is a biological reason this is happening.  If you are not having sex or masturbating, your body needs a way to rid itself of the existing semen so it can renew your supply with a fresh batch, which will come in handy if you’re trying to have a baby.  Talk frankly with your wife about this so you don’t have to live with the fear she will find out accidentally.

If you have a question for the sex therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com