Wishful Thinking

Dear Sarah,

I met this beautiful lady at a party and was having a great time with her. After talking for a few minutes, I found out she had a lesbian partner who was also at the party, and then I got even more excited. The thought of being with the two of them was so incredible I could hardly think about it. Do lesbians ever have a man join them for a threesome? Just wondering what your thoughts are.

Midwest Dreamer

Dear Dreamer,

Do lesbians ever have a man join them for a threesome?  Hmmm, well I'm sure it has happened before but I think this is mostly a fantasy in straight men's minds, perpetuated by the proliferation of bad "lesbian" porn.  If you believe you were getting actual sexual signals from this woman and her partner, ask directly if it's something they're interested in.  Otherwise, this one might be best left in the arena of fun (but benign) flirtation.

Take care,

SK

If you have a question for the sex therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com

Bigger is Better

Dear Sarah,

I am engaged to the most wonderful man on the planet.  He is handsome, thoughtful, considerate, and successful.  Literally my only concern about him or the relationship is that he has the smallest penis of any man I’ve ever been with.  At first I blew this off as unimportant, but the longer we’re together the more I feel like I’m missing something.  I can’t have an orgasm during intercourse because I just can’t feel him inside me.  I have seen some ads on the internet for penis enlargement pills, and am wondering if there’s anything to this.  Also, if they do work, how can I bring this up without hurting his feelings?

In Love With Microscopic Man

Dear Scientist,

This is a complex issue.  The simple answer to your question is don’t waste your money on penis enlargement pills; they don’t work.  Maintaining a relationship with the most wonderful man on the planet seems worth the effort, so it’s important to find other ways you can feel sexually satisfied.  I might suggest using an insertive sex toy such as a dildo, as well as manual stimulation of your clitoris (by you or your fiancé) during intercourse.  Try to focus on the options available to you in the relationship rather than on what you don’t or cannot have with this particular partner.  Men tend to derive large parts of their self esteem from their income and sexual performance.  Keep this in mind when communicating with him about this issue, and handle it gently!

Take care,

SK

If you have a question for the sex therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com

Kiss and Tell

Dear Sarah,

Do you think there are such things as good kissers and bad kissers, or merely compatible kissers and incompatible kissers?

Not Sure in Nashville

Dear Nashville,

Some people are obviously more compatible kissers than others from the get go.  However, I think you can speak up and ask directly for what you want or don’t want from a partner with regard to kissing (i.e. “I like feeling a little more/less of your tongue when we kiss.”), which may allow someone an escape from the “bad kisser” category.   This can be a sensitive subject, so be sure to frame your request in terms of what you want rather than on what the other person is doing wrong.

Take care,

Sarah

If you have a question for the Sex Therapist, email sarah@sarahkyle.com