Female Ejaculation

Dear Sarah,
I have a concern I can't really talk about to anyone. I am a 43 year old woman and I think I may be having bladder control issues that are affecting my sex life. I experience a significant amount of leakage every time I have an orgasm that involves penetration from my partner. (It doesn't happen when I am masturbating.) I have had this problem for many years, and much of the time I just try to refrain from climaxing so I don't have to deal with the embarrassment. Obviously my self-consciousness around this has an effect on my enjoyment of sex, so I would like to figure out what to do about it. Can you help?

TC

Dear TC,
If you are not experiencing this sensation at times other than your description above, it sounds likely that you are describing female ejaculation rather than bladder control problems. Female ejaculation, or "squirting," refers to a woman's expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid from the paraurethral ducts during or before orgasm. It is a relatively common occurrence, reportedly experienced at one time or another by 35-50% of women. The amount of fluid expelled can vary from an almost imperceptible amount to several milliliters of fluid, more than just your average "wet spot."

You stated you feel some embarrassment around this; what would it be like to talk openly with your partner about it? While you may view it as distasteful, your partner may in fact find it stimulating, and an added bonus to your sexual repertoire. In any case, refraining from having an orgasm doesn't seem like a viable long-term solution. If you continue to have trouble accepting this or any other part of your sexual self, you may want to consider talking to a sex therapist.